I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
