you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
