I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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