Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
