Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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