its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
