Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
