Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
