I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
