Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
