I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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