6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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