She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
