so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
