left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
