He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
