Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
