I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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