You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mom said you looked used
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dicks are not precious.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize