I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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