But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
