i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
