Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Cold hands, warm shart.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
