She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
