so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
