Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
