im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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