Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
