if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
