I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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