Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
