My hair reeks of homosexuality.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
