I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
