People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
