I just saw a hot homeless man
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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