you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
