You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
