Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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