I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
