Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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