I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
