Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
