you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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