Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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