Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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