he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
