I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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