people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
