I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
