some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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