I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
