If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
