cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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