Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
