we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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