The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
