Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
