Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i will never coherently bang her
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
