There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
