I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
