Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
zippers are such a cool invention
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I pour the whiskey from now on
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
