Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
