4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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