Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
