wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
