My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
