Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
