I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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