I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
