Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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