I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
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