you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
