nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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