At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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