I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
